Seasoned leaders in the dynamic world of technology understand that success isn’t just about hitting milestones. It’s about fostering genuine connections within our teams and the people we partner with. In this article, we dive into a personal practice that has transformed my leadership journey. A practice to elevate the way you seed and nurture relationships within your own teams and organisations.
Embarking on a New Role and the Start of it All
Picture this – it’s 2016, and I find myself facing the exhilarating challenge of introducing myself to a new team. The company had orchestrated a unique approach – a technical interview conducted by the entire team. Imagine the whole engineering team sitting in a room firing questions at you.
It was both a tough and enjoyable experience which turned out to be a pivotal a-ha moment for me. A cornerstone of my leadership philosophy and the way I build meaningful connections within my teams from the get go.
The interview was a success. I was hired, but more importantly I got to meet the team and they all got to know me. This head-start in my new role gave me an understanding of how the team members communicate. I understood what they were seeking from the person that was hired to lead them. At the same time, they left with an understanding of who I am. They got a sense of what my leadership style is and how it fits their needs. It was also the foundation of my partnering relationship with the team. Something I continued to build on as I worked with them.
I took a moment to reflect on this. I realised that the people who assess you in a hiring process, are often different from those you will lead. The team you will be leading does not know you. This doesn’t sit well with me. Challenged to introduce myself to my potential future team, my main concern was being authentic. To let them know who I am and what formed me to be me. And this is something that is important while onboarded but also continually as you work and partner with your team.
What emerged from that moment of introspection was my personal manual. A living document that encapsulates who I am, what I value, and how I navigate the professional landscape. I had not anticipated the impact this would have on my team, but also on the way I approach leadership.
The Essence of a Personal Manual
Fast forward to the present, I’ve discovered that this practice extends beyond the realms of my own leadership journey. At the time, I was unaware of the adoption of this simple yet powerful practice from others. It is adopted by influential leaders like Julie Zhuo, former VP of Product Design at Facebook, Leah Tharin, and many others. [In the end of this article, I have included a small list of personal manuals I am inspired by]
Throughout the years, I have come across personal manuals from inspiring leaders. These have been presented in diverse formats and shared through different mediums. Each one addresses a range of topics, reflecting the leader’s distinct style. The common thread? A commitment to making collaboration richer and more meaningful.
To me, this isn’t a handbook. It is a living, breathing document that encapsulates who I am, what excites me, my beliefs, and even my “allergies.” It’s a collection of my personal and professional journey. Something that reflects the values I hold dear and the principles that steer my decisions. For this reason, this manual isn’t static. It’s a dynamic tool that evolves with me. Every year I dedicate time to self-reflect. I make sure to update it with fresh learnings and insights gained over time.
One thing to make clear is that everyone has natural personality tendencies. However, that does not restrict one’s ability to adjust their personal style to accommodate another person’s needs. In fact, that is one of key aspects of personal growth for leadership and mature relationships in general.
If we normalise communicating who we are and what we need, we make collaboration much easier. With self-awareness and openness we can align with our team members or partners at work. In cases where our communication styles do not match we manage to understand each other. Together we can explore what works for both of us once we know what works for the other. This is why I choose to update my personal manual regularly. I learn new things about myself and I adapt and broaden my way of working with others.
My 3 Why’s Behind my Personal Manual
The purpose of my manual is not just to take a moment to self-reflect. It is to actively build and strengthen partnering with my team and colleagues I work with. In my experience, such manual helps in 3 ways:
- Fairness:
- During interviews, team members are assessed for their alignment with the company’s culture. Similarly, it is only fair to apply reciprocity on this throughout our collaboration.
- During interviews, team members are assessed for their alignment with the company’s culture. Similarly, it is only fair to apply reciprocity on this throughout our collaboration.
- Transparency & Vulnerability:
- Transparency and vulnerability are the pillars of trust. Sharing my manual I feel creates a foundation for authentic connection and sets the base of trust.
- Transparency and vulnerability are the pillars of trust. Sharing my manual I feel creates a foundation for authentic connection and sets the base of trust.
- Improved Cooperation:
- Understanding what works for me opens the door for team members to articulate what works for them,. This creates a roadmap for improved collaboration.
What a Personal Manual is NOT (in my view)
As we clarify what something is, it’s also helpful to specify what it is not. This prevents misinterpretations or less than ideal execution. After reviewing several personal manuals, I think they are sometimes used in ways that don’t help relationship building. From these examples, I have concluded on my list of what I do NOT want my manual to be:
- A way to say to the other “my way or the highway”
- A replacement of actual conversation
- A rigid outline of rules on how people need to act
- A step by step guide of communication processes
The Contents of My Manual
I plan to extend what I include in my manual and how I share it. I also intend to adjust its format inspired by other manuals I have come across. Now, I am more clear on what I intend it to be. I am more certain on what I do not like in the way that others have used this practice. My planned adjustments still need to be implemented. In the meantime, the following elements have proven to be a strong foundation in the current version of my manual:
- What Excites Me:
- This section offers a glimpse into the things that fuel my enthusiasm, both professionally and personally. Sharing these passions creates a bridge for authentic connections with team members who may share similar interests.
- My Allergies:
- In a lighthearted tone, I explore aspects that may not align with my preferences. It’s a way to set expectations and, more importantly, encourages open communication about what works and what doesn’t.
- Personal Beliefs:
- Core values are the compass guiding our decisions. This section serves as a foundation for team members to grasp the principles that drive my decisions and influence our collective journey.
- What I Am (and Not):
- A candid exploration of identity, both personal and professional. It sets the stage for an open and authentic team dynamic where everyone can bring their true selves to work.
- Books That Formed My Views:
- Literature has a profound impact on our perspectives. Sharing the books that have influenced me surely adds a personal touch for connection. At the same time it also opens the door for conversations about shared learnings.
- Things I Have Realised:
- A collection of insights derived from experiences and reflections. A how the world works section, if you may. This offers context for my approach to challenges and opportunities, fostering a culture of continuous learning.
For the time being, I have my manual in presentation format. This is due to how I started using it (to introduce myself). Since then, I have come to appreciate more a wiki-like approach to it. As such, it is always available as the team and the organisation evolves. Leah Tharin even has her personal manual attached to her slack profile, which I think is brilliant. After all, it is a lot about communication and it is ongoingly useful, not just during onboarding.
Moving forward, I intend to explore a new format and medium for my manual. For the time being, it is a presentation.
Utilising my Personal Manual
As leaders, we recognise the challenges of onboarding into a new role. The personal manual becomes a catalyst for connection in these moments. I start to make use of my manual from the first days of starting in a new role. I gather all my team members, extending an invitation to explore its contents freely.
There is usually an awkward start to such a meeting. I bserve some nervous smiles from the team. They are not used to having a transparent discussion about the person that has been hired to lead them. Especially not with the person present. Some may have looked at my Linkedin profile. Others, mostly less than a handful, may have been included in the recruitment process that resulted in my hiring. But the discussion isn’t about my previous roles, my professional successes and failures, my thinking on strategy. It’s an attempt to describe to others who I am and elements of what have formulated this. It’s an invitation to connect. In sharing who I am, I open up a space for vulnerability, inviting others to do the same.
I try to break the ice by talking through some of the points of my manual. Often this sparks discussion and hopefully some questions start to be raised. I do not intend it to be a monologue; I see this as the beginning of an open dialogue. Team members are empowered to ask any questions they may have, creating a culture where curiosity thrives. The more courageous or outspoken ones start asking some questions, encouraging others to follow suit. And if not, everyone still gets to hear who I am.
As we discuss my manual, quickly the atmosphere gets lighter. I notice a sparkle in their eyes when, for instance, the team asks me to expand on my belief that “team’s buy-in is sacred.” Genuine smiles are drawn to their faces from my conviction that “UX is a necessity as air is”. Sometimes there is a serious consideration in the section of my Realisations. Overall, we share some laughs and thoughts as we often discusscommon topics while I (or they) share personal stories .
It is a bit of a “group-date” if you may. The purpose is truly to get to know each other and start connecting. It is the beginning of the relationship building process. I have experienced that this practice sparks in depth discussions both in team as well as in personal setting afterwards. As a side-product, from this process I have only become richer in self-reflecting.
The Impact & What Follows
The impact is remarkable:
- Energized and Supportive Team:
- The personal manual fosters an energized and supportive team dynamic. Team members find the courage to share their thoughts, creating an environment of trust.
- Reduced Onboarding Time:
- Onboarding becomes a seamless process. The beginning of the relationship is seeded which makes following conversations much more authentic and effective.
- Connection
- Oftentimes, the team members start speaking about themselves, which creates more bridges to connect amongst themselves. They often discover areas of similar thinking or activities which helps them connect beyond this meeting.
Following the group session, I dive into 1-on-1 meetings. There I extend an open invitation for team members to ask questions and share their perspectives. If they feel like comfortable sometimes they share own stories. It’s a moment of individual connection that solidifies the bonds with the team. It comes much more naturally to ask a team member what they see goes well and what doesn’t. To tell you what troubles them, what they need from you or how you can help them. Why would leaders expect team members to discuss their challenges openly if they don’t know the person they’re speaking with?
While we collaborate, understanding who I am and how they prefer to connect with me, makes our partnership more effective. It is beyond what is achieved during the onboarding process. It is a foundation of the relationship that is built and continues to evolve as we work together. A process that continues with honest feedback to each other.
In conclusion, the personal manual is more than a handbook; it’s an exploration of shared narratives and collective growth. As leaders, let’s embrace this practice, fostering a culture where meaningful connections thrive, and success becomes a collective journey. After all, it’s not just about leading teams; it’s about forging connections that stand in time.
List of Personal Manuals that Inspire Me
You will find a lot of examples online of manuals that match your style and needs.
The ones I prefer are the ones that are capturing self-reflection. Those that take accountability on how to overcome personal challenges in interfacing with others. This approach does not emphasise, “This is what you’ll get and what you must tolerate when working with me”. On the contrary, this approach emphasises, “This is who I am and how I best work with you.”
– Julie Zhuo: A User Guide To Working With You
– Matt MacInnis: A Little User Manual for Matt MacInnis
– Daniel Thomason: Personal User Manual [Github page]